What to do if your parent is being scammed

If the scammer is still in touch, end that first: hang up, don’t call back. Next, call your parent’s bank or card company and ask them to stop or reverse the payment. After that, change whatever the scammer was given (a password, security questions, access to a device), report it, and talk to your parent without a trace of blame. That last part decides whether you hear about the next scam that comes, and there will be a next one.

If it’s happening right now, go straight to the first hour. If your parent has been scammed before and won’t hear it from you, go to the parent who won’t believe it. Remember: don’t assume your parent did anything foolish; they were worked by a professional who knows how to target their vulnerabilities.

The sign to look for: they’ve been told not to tell anyone

If your parent has been told to keep something secret from the family, the bank, or the police, treat it as a scam.

A friend’s mother took a call from people claiming to be a sheriff’s office in Southern California. They said she was mixed up in a criminal ring and in serious trouble. They already had her address, her family’s names, and the last four digits of her Social Security number, and they passed her from one person to the next so it felt like a whole office was on her case. The first call ate most of a day; more followed over several days. Through all of it the scammers emphasized: act now, and tell no one. She raced from bank to bank to send them money, and she gave them a lot of information. As my friend said, “I’ve never seen her so scared in my life.”

Secrecy is how a scam succeeds. It cuts the person off from whoever would say “that’s not real.” Australia’s consumer watchdog describes the method plainly: scammers try to isolate the victim from family, friends and colleagues. So if your parent says “I’m not supposed to talk about it,” or has gone quiet about a new friend, an “investigation,” or where money is going, that is the scam talking. A deadline measured in hours, and a request for gift cards, wire transfers, checks, gold or jewelry from someone you can’t verify, are the other tells.

The first hour of a scam

When your parent is actively being scammed, take swift and deliberate action in this sequence. One short step before the bank call: five minutes of questions, not fifty, so you know what was shared and how it was paid.

1. End the contact. If the scammer is on the phone, hang up. Block the number, report and unfriend the profile. Don’t call back to argue, and don’t try to catch them out. Every reply tells them there’s a real person at this number.

2. Stop the movement of money. The FTC’s advice is the same idea for each payment method: contact the company immediately, say a scammer tricked your parent, and ask them to reverse it.

   • Bank transfer, Zelle, bank wire, or a check: contact the bank. (While here, ask if you can be added as a trusted contact.)
   • Card: contact the number on the back.
   • Payment app: contact the app.
   • Western Union or MoneyGram: contact that company.
   • Gift card: the company on the card (keep the card and receipt).
   • Crypto: the exchange or ATM operator, knowing that crypto doesn’t have the same legal protections cards do.
   • Cash by mail: the Postal Inspection Service at 1-877-876-2455, which can sometimes intercept a package before delivery; by FedEx or UPS, the carrier.

   “My mother was tricked into sending this money. Please reverse it if you can, and tell me whether you can hold or delay anything else going out while we sort this out.”

3. Change what they were given. The best way to block a scammer is to change the information they used to get in:

   • Social Security number: IdentityTheft.gov if you think it’s already being used, IdentityTheft.gov/databreach if you’re not sure.
   • Password: change it everywhere it was reused and turn on two-factor authentication.
   • Access to the computer or phone: the FTC says update the security software, run a scan, delete what it flags, and change the passwords, and get help from the manufacturer or a company you trust if that’s beyond you. With a locked screen or pop-up, the FBI says disconnect from the internet and shut the device down first.

4. Protect their credit. An initial fraud alert is free, lasts a year, and goes to one of the three bureaus, which has to tell the other two. A credit freeze is also free and even stronger: it blocks new credit in their name until they lift it, and it’s placed with each bureau. Take 15 minutes to freeze their credit across all three major bureaus (Equifax, Experian and TransUnion); you can lift the freeze temporarily when they need their credit pulled.

5. Write everything down as soon as possible. Names the callers used, numbers, email addresses, dates, amounts, screenshots, the bank’s reference numbers. The FBI asks for as much of this as you can gather, and it makes every report after this one easier. Memory fades faster than you realize.

What to say to your parent first

Thank them for telling you, and leave out the blame. What you say to your parent matters more than the immediate actions you take to recover from the scam. It took courage to come forward, and many people never do, which is part of why these scams keep working.

Say that these are professionals who do this all day, that very smart people get caught, and that the two of you will fix what can be fixed. There’s no version of “how could you” that helps.

In 2025 the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center took 201,266 complaints from people 60 and over, with losses of $7.75 billion, the most of any age group. Nobody simply “falls” for a scam. People get targeted by teams, with a script that has been refined through countless interactions.

One important addition to your first conversation with your parent: people who have been scammed get targeted again by refund and recovery scams, and the Justice Department’s elder fraud hotline warns that people are impersonating the hotline itself. A real refund never starts with a fee or a request for your account details. Agree now on what your parent will do.

How to report a scam for your parent

Start with the National Elder Fraud Hotline (with your parent, or on their behalf). It’s how these operations get traced, and the hotline can help inform your particular situation.

• National Elder Fraud Hotline: 833-372-8311 (833-FRAUD-11), weekdays 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Eastern, for fraud against anyone 60 or older. Run by the Justice Department. A case manager stays your point of contact and walks you through federal, state and local reporting.
• The FTC: ReportFraud.ftc.gov.
• The FBI: ic3.gov, for anything that happened online or by phone, whatever the amount.
• Local police: right away if your parent was threatened or someone came to the house, and otherwise if the bank asks for a police report.
• Adult Protective Services: if you suspect the exploitation is ongoing, especially if your parent can’t protect themselves. NAPSA’s state list has the number for yours.

If your parent is up to making the calls, let them. It gives back a little of the control the scammer took.

If your parent won’t believe it’s a scam

Don’t argue the verdict. Ask about the need underneath it, and give it time.

If your parent doesn’t believe they’re being scammed, there’s no one right way to approach them. What I’m sure of is what doesn’t work: going at it head-on. “You’re being scammed” is a confrontation, which won’t change their mind and will lead them to tune you out.

So start somewhere else. In a romance scam, the honest answer to “why do they believe it” is often loneliness: they want a partner and to feel valued. Often, on some subconscious level, they may already sense what’s going on. Lead with that, not with the evidence. AARP’s advice for repeat victims is the same: ask gentle questions that prompt them to reflect, help them notice the inconsistencies themselves, and look for the need the scam is meeting. Questions worth asking:

• “Has he asked you not to tell anyone about this?”
• “Has he ever asked for money, or for help moving money?”
• “Have you been able to meet, or talk on video?”
• “Can I look at the messages with you? Not to judge. I just want to understand.”

Then give it time. People don’t like admitting they’re wrong, and a parent hearing this from their child has more to lose than the money. There’s a connection on the line that may matter to them more than you realize. Put yourself on that side of the table for a minute. Never frame it as “I’m right and you’re wrong.” Invite them to consider your view, and keep inviting.

When your own voice isn’t landing, bring in another one: a financial advisor, a doctor, a friend their age, a pastor, someone whose opinion lands differently than a child’s. If it’s their advisor, I’d talk to the advisor privately first, so they know what’s going on before they’re asked about it in front of your parent. A real story helps too; Scamwatch’s advice is to share real-life examples so people can discover the scam for themselves.

Where does persuasion end? You draw that line yourself, based on your parent and your relationship. But if large sums are moving, if they’re sharing passwords or identity documents, planning to travel to meet someone, taking out loans or touching retirement money, you’re past persuasion, and the next section is where to go. If there are threats, that’s a call to the police today. Short of all that, keep talking. The relationship outlasts the scam, and it’s your best tool.

How to stop a parent giving money to a scammer, without taking over

Start with the least intrusive step that solves the problem, and ask rather than impose.

My grandfather was talked into writing a large check in an investment scam. Afterward, my parents set things up so every check from his account needed a co-signer. He gave up a little independence, and he never wrote a check like that again.

How they did it mattered. They didn’t get angry and they didn’t say “how could you.” They acknowledged that money had been lost and made a plan so it couldn’t happen the same way twice. Saying “it won’t happen again” would not have been enough against people this good. In everything I’ve seen since, I’ve never met anyone who regretted a protective, proactive step. The regrets all run the other way (doing too little, or waiting until it’s too late), so my bias is to do too much rather than too little.

That said, you’re a partner in your parent’s life, not a boss. The options, roughly from least to most intrusive:

1. Alerts. Ask the bank about transaction alerts: a text or email for anything over an amount your parent chooses, sent to them, or to both of you if they’d like that.
2. A trusted contact. Ask the bank and the brokerage to add one. A trusted contact can’t move money or make decisions on the account, but the firm can call them when something looks wrong. For customers 65+, FINRA Rule 2165 also lets a brokerage pause a suspicious withdrawal for up to 15 business days while it checks, and tell the trusted contact when it does. Banks have no equivalent rule, but regulators have named holds and trusted contacts as practices they use.
3. A second signature, or a limit. The co-signer rule that worked for my grandfather. Some accounts can require two signatures on checks; it depends on the bank and the account agreement, so ask. Same with a cap on transfers. Either one only works if your parent agrees to it, which is why the conversation above comes first.
4. A look before anything big goes out. I’d ask this as a favor rather than impose it as a rule: “Before you send more than a certain amount to anyone new, will you let me see the messages first?”
5. Fewer calls getting through. Block the numbers that keep calling and silence unknown callers so they go to voicemail. Our Medicare scam calls guide has the phone settings step by step, and they work for every kind of scam call.
6. Power of attorney and guardianship. Sometimes they’re right, though they’re also the heaviest of tools. A power of attorney is a legal document your parent signs that lets someone they choose act for them on money matters, and it can be limited to specific things. The CFPB suggests a lawyer; guardianship goes through a court. One thing not to do: have a parent sign a medical power of attorney and quietly add a financial one. Misleading them to control their money is what the scammer did, and a parent who finds out stops telling you things.

If what’s really worrying you is your parent’s memory or judgment, that’s a conversation for their doctor, and worth having on its own. Beyond that, follow your gut. The goals are to protect their money and help them live a long and happy life. Let those, and not fear or anger, determine how heavy-handed you are.

What to do next time

Once the money is dealt with and the reports are filed, the useful question is “what will we do next time?”

The answer is a few agreed principles:

• Nobody sends money or reads out a number on a call they didn’t start
• Anyone who says “don’t tell your family” is a scammer
• Anything that nags at you gets checked through a number you look up yourself

But reading these rules isn’t the same as having them ready when a kind, official-sounding voice is on the line. That’s what we’re building ScamPrep for: practice calls and messages that simulate real scams, with warm coaching if ever there’s a slip, so the response is familiar when it counts. You invite, they opt in. How it works.